Beems Needed

Dis b landing in mai in box frum 3KOM:

Hi cheefrens,  I need for you to send some beems for me, if you could.
My ex-hubby, Rick, lives with me because he has copd and emphysema really bad, and 2 years ago had triple by-pass surgery. He hasn’t been doing well, but is a VERY stubborn man.
Well, last nigt we had to call 911, cause he had all but syopped breathing. I rode in the ambulance with him, but they wouldn’t let me in his room for almost an hour. He was exchanging next to no air, his pulse-ox was in the low 70’s, his carbon dioxide levels were 2 times what they should have been, and by not taking his heart meds, and cause of the copd and still smoking, he has further damaged his heart. The ER Doctor told me right out, he would not have made it another 24 hours, period.   My daughter thinks that this is mostly my fault, I don’t take good enough care of him. I do everything for him except wipe his ass. I tell him to take his pills and hand them to him, he refuses to take them. I am at a loss as to what else I can possibly do. I don’t want him to die, but thats not up to me, its up to God. I am lost. I have no frickin idea how I am gonna pay even MORE medical bills(he has no insurance) and I am on the brink of another nervous breakdown.
But this is not about me, please send beems and prayers for him, I would appreciate it soo much.

Much love and hugs to all of you.
Cindy(3kom)

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19 thoughts on “Beems Needed

  1. Ai iz sew sorry to heerify ob dis! Cans him be going onto teh Medicaid? Yoo iz a faithful cheezfren to looks after him liek yoo do. But rememberate, dat him iz an adult, and teh conseq..cons…consek…results of hims choyces rest wif him and nawt wif yoo. Yoo iz nawt to blame.

    Wii are sending beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemz to bof of yoo and prayers to teh Awlmitey Boss of CC to see yoo bof froo dis!

  2. 3KOM — Beems for the ex-hubby and FOR YOU!! This is about you too. You are a wonderful wonderful person and need support and love for what you are doing. I second ShepMom to get him on Medicaid – as your ex-hubby you should not be financially responsible for him.

    The best of luck to you and prayer and good beems for both of you.

    Elsa_Mama

  3. Oh 3KOM! I don’t think we have met on ICHC but I just had to give you my two cents. You can only lead the horse to water no matter how much you love that old, stubborn horse (and you still do in some way). Sometimes a person loses hope and doesn’t want to try to get better or at least maintain the health they have. The only thing you can do is let that person know that they are loved and maybe have a serious conversation about why they should care better for themselves. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME! I cannot stress this enough! You have enough to do without feeling guilty. You are doing the best you can. it is up to your ex-husband & God. Many healing beems to your ex and many encouraging beems toYOU! {{{{3KOM}}}}

  4. Beloved, you need just as much in the way of prayer as your ex does. Father GOD, You know Cindy, and You know her ex. You know what each of them needs. I come against all condemnation in the Name of Jesus, and i speak healing and wisdom and provision and peace into this situation. Father, thank You for all that you are doing in this family’s life, and i ask for a special sense of Your comforting presence, in Jesus’ mighty Name—Amen
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cindy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
    All my love—janey

  5. my thoughts are with you, dear3KOM. I don’t think we’ve met, but I am a professional caregiver, and I know your frustration and despair. sometimes the caregiver needs more care than the patient. Sometimes our people (all HIV +, plus a lot of other really nasty health problems on top of it) will refuse to take their meds, and even stop dialysis just because they are tired. Sometimes they are just ready for the end. Sometimes they drive you nuts with their strange logic. Just know that YOU HAVE DONE ALL YOU CAN.
    Do yourself a great good and stop beating yourself up. Easier to say than to do, because its one of my favorite things to do to myself. I’d like to slap your daughter for daring to say something so stupid and hurtful.
    She should try living with someone chronically ill for a while and see how much better she could do. She wouldn’t be able to.
    I know all about high medical bills and people not having health insurance. I’d love the tea party people to read and understand the stories I’ve heard just here on ICHC, and they might stop dicking around with the real health care reform that they call obamacare so dismissively. They are simply horrible people, and I want to yell at them WE ALREADY HAVE DEATH PANELS YOU MORONS, it’s our present “health care” system that only benefits the insurance companies.

    • (((3Kom)))
      Sending many beems your way. He’s very obviously disabled. He should be on Disability and Medicare, and if he has not worked enough to be on SSDI and Medicare, then he would be eligible for SSI and Medicaid. In the condition you are describing, he should get approved in record time. You are his ex. You aren’t responsible for his medical bills (or his custodial care either, for that matter.)

      On several occasions during my career, I’ve heard spouses, ex-spouses, and significant-others, who have been fulfilling the role of “primary care provider,” offer to hand that responsibility over to grown children who have expressed dissatisfaction with the quality of care they provide. Most of the time, that brings the criticism to a screeching halt faster than you can say “I’ll pack him up and bring his things right over.” Just something to think about…

  6. {{{{3kom}}}}

    That is a very tough situation indeed. I will be sending beems and prayers for you and your family.

    If your daughter doesn’t think your doing a good enough job, ask her to please come over and help out or ask if she would like to have him move in with her since she could do a better job. Unfortuantly, there isn’t alot you can do about him not taking his meds. My brother sometimes stubborns up and stops his anti-seizure meds, only to be drug off the the ER for seizures. My BIL, who has cancer refuses to drink enough liquids to keep him hydrated, so, every week or two, it’s off the the clinic for 3 hours of IV’s. I don’t know why people are so hard headed about their health sometimes.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts. Don’t make yourself sick over this. It is in the end his choice.

  7. {{{{{3KOM}}}}} I second the thoughts of everyone, especially MuggleMary. I cared for my husband the last 4 years of his life (diabetic, plus strokes). Prior to that, he determined the course of his diseases by not following the doctor’s orders (taking medicine properly, not eating properly). The last 4 years were the hardest because I watched him go down hill even with following everything all his doctors said. I too thought I would “lose my mind”. I have struggled for the last 3 1/2 years to get over the guilt of “not having done more”. But in my heart of hearts, I know I could not have. Please do check into Medicare for him. The best thing you can do for yourself is to CARE FOR YOURSELF FIRST.

  8. Thanks to all of you for the Prayers, beems, hugs, and good wishes. There really is no update because his condition has not changed.
    I so appreciate all of you so much, you just have no idea.
    Much love, and many hugs,
    Cindy(3kom)

  9. Beems coming over from Yurup to you and yur ex.

    I can only second what has been said above, full-time carers have all my admiration and anyone who DARES to criticise would not last even one day doing this both mentally and physically exhausting task. Be proud of what you are doing, and above all do not beat yourself up for what others think you should have done.

    {{{{{{3kom}}}}}

  10. Have your daughter take him for a weekend. I took care of my dad who had Alzheimers & diabetes & no bowel control. My oldest brother was the most vocal in complaining about the *lack* of care I was giving him. I finally told him I would bring dad over Friday night and they could bring him back Sunday night so I could paint his room. He was back Saturday before noon. The official reason was that my sister-in-law was “coming down with something and didn’t want dad to catch it”, but I think that his getting up in the middle of the night, taking off his dirty diaper and stuffing it in the drawer with his clean clothes, and then peeing in the coffee pot may have had something to do with it. I then made the same offer to my other siblings, but nobody ever volunteered to take my dad. Until your daughter walks in your shoes, she has NO right to criticize. YOU have the right to disregard her comments. You have my prayers and admiration and sympathy. God keep you, and take care of YOURSELF.

    • *snerk*
      That sounds suspiciously like what happened when i said, “The next person who says, ‘If you’d just do whatever’ to me about Josh—GETS him for two weeks.” All of a sudden the advice quit. I second MomChan’s advice. Let HER take care of him.
      Love you bunches—janey

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